My third favorite time of year has come again: it’s back-to-school season! You may be asking, “Maddie, if this is your third favorite time of year, what are the other two?” Unimportant, readers.
I’m back in my favorite city to start my sophomore year of college. It certainly feels weird not to be a first-year anymore. Most everything has lost its shine; I see more faces I recognize on campus than I don’t; I’ve already found the majority of my favorite spots in the four-block box I call home. That being said, there are a few changes I’m still coming to terms with. For starters, I live in a six-person apartment with a kitchen, rather than a triple-style dorm. Sharing space is difficult, especially when you haven't lived with half of the people in said apartment. Academics are different too; I’m taking significantly more difficult classes this semester. I like my professors, so here’s to hoping I guess!
All of this to say, returning back to your home-away-from-home after months of desperation is a bit of a wake-up call. If you’re anything like me, your imagination flies like a bat out of hell when given the chance. When asked over the summer, “Are you excited to go back to New York?”, my answer was the same: “Oh my god, yes.” I always pictured a highlight reel of my first few weeks back in NYC: going out with friends, meeting beautiful and friendly people, excelling in my classes, finding the perfect thrift haul on the first try, sipping a latte in a cafe while working on the blog, etc. Upon arrival, most of these things did happen, just to a lesser degree. Factor in a 96 hour orientation leader schedule, expensive thrift stores and catching COVID for the first time, and you’ve got my first two weeks back.
Wild imaginations like mine are hard to tame. It’s far too easy to get tangled up in the thought of what “could be”, rather than what “is.” The slow anxiety creeping up your shoulder blades, clouding your mind, and giving you goosebumps when you think of returning to the other 75% of your life is hard. It is hard. However, it only becomes easier when the realization hits: you’re pretty much the only one that can fix it. I wrote a piece semi-recently that encapsulates what I’m trying to say.
“I’ve always found myself to be a self-soother; so when anxiety rears its ugly head ever so frequently in my life, I subconsciously start to rationalize and soothe my mind. I then realize that I’m the only one who can save myself in these situations. It’s isolating for sure. But in the isolation, there’s a feeling of empowerment. How utterly interesting is it that I can be both the afflicted and the healer in my own brain?”
It was far too tempting to get wrapped up in misfortune these past few days of isolation, feeling sorry for myself until all hours of the night. But as I sit here clicking away, it’s pretty clear to see the good in my first two weeks. Although Orientation was 96 hours in seven days, I met some of the most wonderful people I would have never had the chance to interact with otherwise. Although thrift stores in NYC are beyond expensive, I found a closet staple I had been searching for for years: gorgeous striped blazer, for seven dollars. Although I did catch COVID merely nine days into being in NYC, I was able to bond with my roommate and take a nice break before jumping back into the hustle of the fall semester. Added bonus: I don’t have to worry about catching COVID for another four months or so! A win in my book for sure.
As I ease back into my “normal” routine in New York, I’ve added a new practice to my usual journaling routine. One of my favorite people/influencers, Miranda McKeon, does a cute daily reflection on small things she’s grateful for everyday. She calls them “gratitude moments!” (linked at the bottom!) You can say “gratitude moment!” aloud as they occur, say it in your head, write them down in a journal or notes app, etc. I’m partial to whispering them to myself or writing them down at the end of the day. They can be as small as having someone hold the door for you at Starbucks or as large as your best friend sending you a sweet text about how much you mean to them. Acknowledging your gratitude moments daily allows you to see the fortune in your day, no matter how shitty the circumstances. It may sound cheesy (because it is). But sincerely, it’s made me enjoy even my hardest days.
With all of this being said, I’m pretty happy to be back in New York. My favorite part about living in a city like NYC is just walking: walking to the store, walking to get coffee with friends, walking around Central Park or SoHo, observing the interesting characters swarming all around you. Experiences are about and opportunity is afoot. You just have to look :)
